14 comments on “On being wrong

    • Karla guided us in establishing the supports, especially at school where she came to IEP meetings with us and taught the professionals about what Nick really needed and why. Every new support was a huge relief to Nick because he saw that we were really “getting” him now. He went from several meltdowns a week to none at school and very few at home (maybe once a month nowadays).

      At first Karla would talk to him outside of school about what his new IEP would look like, and eventually he was able to participate in the process, asking for certain accommodations or even saying he didn’t think he needed a particular one anymore, and going to meetings as a self-advocate.

      I highly recommend reading our IEP story and looking through Karla’s slides on her ASD page (both in my links) to get an idea of the kinds of supports autistic kids need, from the POV of an autistic adult.

    • We found that it was really important to keep him on the same schedule every day, weekends included. Bedtime essentially starts at 9:30 pm, when he has to take a shower and brush his teeth. Then he hangs out in his room until 10:30, when I tell him it’s time for lights out and take his Kindle (otherwise he will stay up all night with it). I use alarms to remind myself to remind him, and he is learning to use alarms himself. In the morning, I wake him up at the same time every day; he sleeps through alarms. Getting his body into that rhythm helps him fall asleep at a reasonable time.

      My NT daughter has a hard time falling asleep at night and melatonin helps her.

  1. I have often said that every parent with an autistic kid needs to be issued an autistic adult. Just makes good sense. 🙂

  2. My son is not on the autism spectrum, but I am definitely working on figuring out how to stop seeing him as “flawed” because he isn’t the person I expected him to be at this point. It’s a hard journey.

  3. Support + acceptance = good behavior!. Love that equation! I thimk you need to give yourself more credit for being open to burying your ego and accepting Karla’s help. It’s not easy to admit as a parent that we don’t always get what our kids need. I tend to assume they’re hungry, probably because I get really cranky when I am. My husbnd tends to assume gas, but I wont go there. :). Really enjoy your blog and the power of support and acceptance.

  4. This is a very powerful post. I’ve been using a lot of what Karla posts on her FB page to help me figure out ways to better support my daughter. It’s a work in progress and I still have times when I think “can’t she just quit screaming already?” But as the mom I’ve really changed my tune to SUPPORT vs me expecting her to just “change” or “mature.” I believe that will happen over time, but for now she needs the support.

    Thanks for sharing this. Really great.

    • Yes, good point, they will mature and change as all people do, more slowly than most but they will. And they will grow better with support and patience instead of pressure.

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